Amor fati

Love your fate

I’ve been absent for a long, long time. I can’t lie…I’ve wasted a lot of it…but I’ve been looking into intelligence and AI and popular books and writings. What I can summarize is that AGI (or human intelligence) is not coming from the current focus on large language models (LLMs) but what they have can replace some entry level human jobs. The problem with LLMs is they require an exponential amount of data to progress linearly, and there is only so much data (this is why Elon wanted to DOGE, so he could access the government data for his AI…killing hundreds of thousands via neglect and sudden cutting off of HIV medications and hunger amelioration was just a bonus).

In addition, LLM chatbots are easily fooled into giving you data about how to create biochem bombs or child sex exploitation content. As an incentive-based libertarian minded person I don’t care so much about all that (provided the content is synthetic) except the carelessness around CSAM (child sexual abuse material) seems to reflect and overall carelessness about AI in general, and how it interacts with disturbed humans. The syncophancy feeds into delusions and there is no meaningful counter from the powers that be.

But I’m seeding the forest…the trees are right here, slamming in my face.

In my personal life I am lost. My husband of 20 years died in March. It wasn’t expected, and we weren’t prepared, if you can be. I take each day as one step forward even if I don’t want to make it. My heart is broken, and I don’t really care about tomorrow.

There are so many things I might have done differently, but I do not have that luxury. All I have now is loss, and pain. And every day dawning.

My girls are okay. I don’t have to leave my house. There are blessings aplenty if you start from zero. Love your fate.

When I was swimming in pain, I reached out early to an online friend who is a Buddhist. He was very helpful, though annoying, as most Buddhists are, nothing is in your control, just float and accept, it doesn’t matter.

The kicker is I believe him, but I fail his test. I can’t float, I can’t accept. I care. I want to go forward. I want to love again.

When I try to think about the future a familiar refrain sings in my head “I don’t care I just want to sleep” I never felt such a thing before my husband died. I don’t exactly know where it comes from. Tiredness. Futility.

I wish the AI barons were more like Graves and Oppenheimer. Sober individuals instead of narcissistic manchilds like Sam Altman.

I have no faith. And how can I be stoic then?